*Author's Note*
I saw someone jogging and it sparked an inspiration for a rather depressing Stream of Consciousness since the weather was bleak.
Running in fear of what’s behind, still not knowing what is ahead. Only knowing fear is driving me into this desolate land of hopelessness. Realizing the sting of pain has finally arrived like a brisk breeze of the early morning. Noticing that life is hard enough and rather short, taking a chance to stand up. Face the fear that I was running from. Except a twisted idea makes me figure out I should just give up. Give up on the fear I am running from, simply give up on life. The only fear though is facing the person I truly am. Then I understand what I am running from. I am running from myself.
I can understand why this started as a stream of consciousness, but why did the form end there? This sort of writing is not really a form for publication stage; it's a form we use when journaling to get our ideas out without the problem of writer's block getting in the way. If you were to take a fresh look at this piece, what do you think would be the best format to chose for your purpose?
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. It was really deep inside, and it almost made me realize what was happening. I think you should turn this piece into a poem.
ReplyDeleteIt is a really interesting piece. You should make it into a poem because there is so much voice in it...
ReplyDeleteI really liked this, it was deep and thoughtful but good. I think you could either way, expand you're ideas into a longer piece or make it into a poem. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI thought the best part was teh end, btu the entire thing was good. I'm not sure what form it could be changed into, so otherwise it was good.
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ReplyDeleteThank you guys for all of the feedback! I may make this into a poem.
ReplyDeleteThe thought and the emotion is all there but it's just figuring out a new form for it to take on that comes next.
ReplyDeleteI love your voice in this, it is so mature, especially your concept and how you tied it in to something as normal as running. My one suggestion would be to find a form it fits in
ReplyDeleteThat made me depressed. It was really good, and had a lot of voice. I love the end, and maybe try to make it into a poem, but leave this here too. Its really cool how one idea leads into the next. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteOh, that is so depressing but is appropriate for the weather. i liked your repetition of: Running........Running........... and so on. I think that once you put it into a new form, it would really be polished and sparkly.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone above. This doesn't feel like a really finished piece yet and it needs a form to fit into. You have the idea of where to start, but now you just need to end it. Nice job though and I would like to see the finished piece.
ReplyDeleteThis was cool. I really like the concept of running away from what you can't face. Like others said, I think you should turn it into a poem, but otherwise it was really good!
ReplyDeleteThat was a very good journal entry, I thought you could of turned it into a poem, an anecdote, or a non fiction story. You have a lot of options because that was a very good piece that's open to a lot of forms
ReplyDeleteI love it, great job
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Advice: because this is in poem form already, why don't you delete this one so there's only the other one?
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