*Author's Note*
I decided to play with the sound of words on these pieces trying to make you think and also see what I wrote.
Trees
Trees around me stand stiff,
Stiff and cold,
Cold without the comfort of leaves.
Cold against the brisk breeze,
The breeze of today,
The breeze of yesterday,
And the breeze of tomorrow,
All haunting the icy trees,
The comfortless trees.
A Sky
I stare into a sky,
A sky of wonder,
A sky of abyss.
Icy raindrops follow me,
Landing on my face,
Onto my arms,
Piercing like needles,
One by one.
The grey sky consumes this city,
Consuming the buildings that touch the clouds,
That stand at the feet of God.
The drops get heavier,
But I ignore it all,
And keep staring,
Wondering,
How life can be so bleak, yet so beautiful.
You know, I really enjoyed reading both of these poems. There is a cool sort of understanding about how to use language that takes place here, and an understanding of sound, of art, that makes them real poems. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the repetition in the first poem. I thought it really enhanced the poems flow and rhythm. Overall, I liked the philosophical-esque feel of the poems. Good job.
ReplyDeleteCollin,
ReplyDeleteI really liked both of these poems, and I liked how you put two together because they both really had a good theme and similar form. I thought the first one flowed really nicely with the use of repetition and the rhyme that is in it. I also liked the ending of the second poem because you really get into something more than just nature, good job!
These were both great poems, Collin. Like the others said you had some awesome repetition in the first poem that help one line flow to the next. I also liked how in the second poem you related real feelings with the text. Great job!
ReplyDeleteBoth of these poems are really good. They're short but they still hold a lot of understanding and meaning. I especially liked that you didn't have a specific pattern but still made it flow really well. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this poem, Collin. I especially liked the repetition of your first poem mostly, and the ideas seemed very much philosophical like Matt aforementioned. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked both of the poems they were very good and pulled through a lot of information in the end. I also liked the way that you added in repetition without exactly repeating anything. I guess it just kind of seemed to be there in my mind. Both of the poems flow really well and good choice in putting them both into the same post.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of these comments. I really like the flow to it and the repetition in the first one. I also like how you put the reader in the setting of the poem and use great imagery. Great job.
ReplyDelete